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2009-12-04 09:26:25
Last author: Midnight Spirit
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Twilight Saga review

   Um what is there really to say... It made me cry myself to sleep... out of sheer boredom and then there was a sequel. While New Moon had some sliver of promise, that perhaps the most popular vampiric lore since Brahm Stoker's masterpiece wouldn't be written as shoddily as Harry Potter, that was smashed by the immense heap of nearly unintelligible drivel known as Eclipse.
   As if the story becoming a trilogy wasn't drawing this tale out long enough the dumb bitch wrote an fourth book. Breaking Dawn was so terrible, I could not bring myself to finish it. The "plot" was simply taking all of the Twifans complaints and half-thought-out questions and stringing the desired answers together for as long as possible, and clearly only written for the money.
   This story fills me with emotion so strong I want to burn every one of them in a massive pyre, to the honor of Anne Rice and for the good of humanity. In case you are wondering when I was going to discuss the actual story, characters, and supposed literature, I decided it would be best not to waste your time. I am sure you have more important things to do then read my rantings so I will conclude my review with this....



tl;dr

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/ [Midnight Spirit]

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2009-12-04 [kaktus]: rofl!!! TAMPONS!
aaand (prewritten on facebook, just copying. mind you i was sick when this was written, so don't kill me over the grammar and half-true facts.)
the whole "vampires sparkle thing" i would like to ask a young twitard who's probably never heard of a vampire (other than for halloween), if vampires sparkle in the sun and see what they say. for instance, the original vampire myth was for nothing more than pushing people back to the church. the whole holy water/crucifix thing is nothing more than christians thinking that their beliefs can kill, (which, in total honest they can, see gay bashing and racist lynchings of the 1960's in southern america). vampires are nothing more than a myth, although there have been cases in the past where people have gone insane and literally thought themselves to be vampires, or that by drinking blood they would be forever young (for full details google Elizabeth Bathory). this did nothing more than strengthen the belief in this myth. in the research that i've done there really wasn't much to report on the whole vampire myth, mostly people just wandering about toting holy water and crucifixes, until people began forgetting the old legends and myths and focusing on science. until the publication of Count Dracula, people had actually forgotten about vampires almost entirely, and then people began remembering the fear that their ancestors had back in the old days, and yet again, this was an attempt to push people back to the churches. the publication of the Anne Rice vampire novels inspired such a high rise in popularity of the vampire myth, people began wearing plastic fangs on a daily basis, actually telling people that they were vampires. and no one disagreed with the idea that vampires couldn't walk out in the sun. another part of the myth that was probably invented to console young children when they heard this story to keep them from being afraid to go outside even during the daytime. and also according to the myths and legends of vampires from eastern europe, vampires were once humans who died and were possessed by demons and evil spirits, so therefore vampires have no genetic changes, they merely are possessed, meaning that they are able to go outside in the daylight, and DEFINITELY don't sparkle. the idea that by being bitten by a vampire would make you one is a mockery of everything that they myths and legends portray. in those legends the demon would separate a part of itself when making a new vampire, and upon drinking the vampire's "blood" (which incidentally probably wasn't the vampire's blood to begin with, but the human who they had just drank from mixed with part of the demon's "spirit"), the human would be possessed of part of the spirit of the demon in which resides the vampire that parented the "newborn" vampire. i do, however, agree with meyer on the idea that vampires don't have fangs, due to the fact that, in the myths, vampires are humans who are only possessed, therefore they shouldn't have any ability to 'sprout' fangs.
the whole moving really fast thing, super hearing, rock hard skin, eyes that change colours due to hunger (which is attached to their moods), those are nothing more than fabrications of a mind that doesn't know how to do proper research before writing a story. moving really fast, i will admit that it would be cool to be able to run so fast that you're a blur, but in the myths, vampires didn't run fast. they could, however, disappear and reappear behind someone, possibly smoke and mirrors, or an optical illusion of some sort, but more likely it was a trick of the light. super hearing, most people assume that, being the world's most deadly predator, they could hear things from a mile away, and also with sight, but this is not true. they could hear better than a human, yes this is true, but to be able to hear miles away, that's just stretching it a little too far in my opinion. rock hard skin, vampires are humans in a supernatural form, their skin isn't rock hard, because ours isn't. and for eyes that change colours, i, personally have eyes that change colours according to my mood. does that make me a vampire? i don't think so. because if that were the case, and this were Meyer's world, i would already be a vampire, my eyes change colours, i move silently, i move fast, (almost becoming a blur in the process), i have better than excellent hearing (although very SELECTIVE hearing i might add), i have better than perfect eye sight, (i can see up to 60 feet away where as most people can only see up to 20 feet away), knowing all this, does this make me a vampire?
no. because vampires don't exist. they aren't real. and most of the twitards in the world seem to think that they're real. but IN REALITY they are nothing more than a fabrication of a stupid woman's mind. these "vampires" don't sound like vampires to me, they sound more like aliens. for meyer to have made her story plausible, she should have done some research about the real vampires before writing these horrid "vampire" stories.
i tell you now, anyone who is reading this long-winded (essay-sounding) comment, you don't need to read twilight if you want a vampire love story. if you want to read a vampire story that'll make you all feel-good inside, go read the vampire diaries. at least the author of THAT series stuck to the myths, instead of fabricating their own version of a vampire that has, LITERALLY, nothing to do with it's roots.

2009-12-04 [Deleted user]: i say steak the fuckers

2009-12-04 [Doll]: my god kurtis >.< had a little to say did we dear?

i love Twilight!!!! LOL >.>
i love all the shit it brings out for people <3
i have never known one single other thing for people to have so much distaste for where others completely are head over heels for it.
a friend back home of mine could have gone on for days with all his issues he had with it. and the "i sparkle in the sun!" seems to be everyone's biggest pet peeve of the whole mess... im sure the base reason is that we would rather see Edward burst into flames than just stand there all shiney and shit >.>

2009-12-04 [Bunny Chan]: lol

2009-12-04 [Deleted user]: burn like a mother fucker
to but it like doll

2009-12-04 [Doll]: only i should sparkle in sunlight >.>

2009-12-04 [Deleted user]: all hail the sparkly one not the faggoty sparkle thow the marvolous sparkle

2009-12-04 [Doll]: *is mighty and sparkly* ^_^

2009-12-04 [kaktus]: as i said above, there are vampire stories where they can go out in the sunlight. all Meyer did was completely ruin the whole vampire 'race' with her bullshit stories that are so poorly written i'd like to use them to wipe my ass.

2009-12-04 [Doll]: thats some expensive and not so soft TP >.>

2009-12-04 [Deleted user]: i like your logic man

2009-12-05 [kaktus]: thank you.

2009-12-05 [The end]: Thats funny as hell. I dig it. and i agree with the sparkle thing. i had no idea what the shit was about so my g/f talked me into goin to the theaters. should have known something was goin to be horribly wrong when i noticed that i was the only guy in the place.

2009-12-05 [kaktus]: rofl! i actually went to see twilight the night it came out, and yes i thought it was a good movie at the time...but then i read the anne rice series and reread the twilight series. they completely MURDERED that movie, and the series is no better.

2009-12-05 [Deleted user]: `steak them all....and the vamps to.imfed up of the little anoying emo BITCHES fucking blabing on and on and on about how edward is do dreamy and that there the only ones that can connect with the little fagit bastard i say man up cunt and bite the dam bitch not fuckin stop her getting her ass raped

2009-12-06 [Doll]: OMG, do not get me started on the casting for the twilight saga >.<
the sparkles and what not fine, butcher the whole vampire legend, etc. but the casting????
Edward is suppose to be SO dreamy and a really sexy pale man... but who do they cast? not some uber attractive mysterious guy, noooo... some flat faced, dead eyed bad actor -_-....... i wasnt happy about that, but was just as dissapointed with the choice for the lead woman, Bella. my god why her???? for the girl that every one wants, shouldnt it be a girl some one would want? with her unfortunate features and constant sneer she is less than a perfect pick for the lady to be fought over >.<
the rest of the cast i dont really have problems with, but my god the casting director should have been shot for their pick for the 2 main people... *barf* neither of which are very nice to look at or very good actors... as if their werent enough problems with the damn movie/story line...

2009-12-06 [Deleted user]: the freaky vamp lady was hot where as bella i wouldnt touch her with his*pints at the first guy to walk buy*

2009-12-06 [The end]: I think they should have gone with Megan Fox. and by the way, put a bag over that sneer and the body should make up for it. wait, am i the first guy to walk by? shit...

2009-12-06 [Deleted user]: mwahahahahahahaha your penis is fucked

2009-12-06 [kaktus]: ROFL!!!

2009-12-06 [The end]: Good thing I just happen to carry a paper bag in my pocket... Point me in the direction and I'll be back in 5.

2009-12-06 [Deleted user]: *turns you round to face her and blind folds you*youll thank me later

2009-12-06 [The end]: dont need the blind fold, i have a bag.

2009-12-06 [The end]: Anne Rice books arent bad. I will never read the Twilight series. Want nothing to do with it at all. Its gay. Like most chick flicks... and books written by them..

2009-12-06 [Deleted user]: a well

2009-12-08 [The end]: No offense to any ladies, by the way. Im just not much of a romantic type person.

2009-12-08 [Deleted user]: romancecanbe handy thow brother

2009-12-11 [The end]: I honestly dont know what to say to that lol. Im just not very romantic.

2009-12-11 [Deleted user]: learn it andwoo women

2009-12-11 [The end]: I actually dont have that hard of a time gettin ladies. Plus, I am already engaged so...

2009-12-11 [Deleted user]: a well then your sorted man

2010-10-19 [CAN YOU SEE ME NOW!!!!]: wow

2011-10-01 [The Iron Warrior]: twilght is an embarrment to good vamp movies

2018-11-27 [The Iron Warrior]: VAMPIRES DONT SPARlKE but doll does!!!!!!!

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